Inspired or Stimulated?
I thought I had lost my voice. Maybe I had just filled every quiet moment with stimulation and left no room to be inspired.
Each day I wonder why I have writer’s block.
Why I can’t think clearly. Why I don’t have much to say.
It seems like I used to have something come to me so easily, and I could effortlessly talk about it.
It wouldn’t always be polished, but it would be said with clear conviction.
Something changed.
I began to think slower. I started questioning myself more. And somewhere along the way, I felt like I lost my voice.
Then, lying in bed staring at the ceiling, I finally realized why.
My life wasn’t being lived.
I was on autopilot constantly, and my brain had no time to be inspired because it was always being stimulated.
I started thinking about how distracted I had become.
What about growing on social media? What should I post? What should I script? How do I encourage people? How do I make sure people know I exist?
There was always something.
And then, for a moment…
Silence.
I started thinking about reading a book peacefully.
Tucking my kids into bed.
Being present in a conversation without wondering what I could turn it into.
Living a little slower.
The problem wasn’t that I had nothing to say.
The problem was that I had stopped giving myself enough life to have something worth saying.
The screen was constantly stimulating me with other people’s thoughts while leaving almost no room for my own.
I didn’t realize it, but there was no off button.
Anyone could reach me at any time.
I was always listening to something. Watching something. Reading something. Creating something. Responding to something.
Even when nothing was happening, I would reach for something to make something happen.
I was exhausted just thinking about it.
Let alone living it.
Maybe I don’t need to force my voice to come back.
Maybe I need to put the phone down.
Read the book.
Tuck my kids in.
Sit in the silence.
Live my life.
And give my mind enough room to have something to say again.